Another day.

I wish I was this good!

As you all know this year is about changes, not just for my health but for my bank balance to. I'm currently in training to become a nail technician. It doesn't sound like much but for me its a big step.

Neither pictures are my designs.

I'm a little obsessed with an almond nail, they extend your finger's and are so easy to use. If almond are not for you then try a ballerina shape.

And don't get me wrong I'm not the best at the minute, but I practice until my finger's hurt. I'm so excited to share some of my work with you guys,not just yet though! I'm going to get a little better at it first! So here's a little nail inspo!

Scary prospects...

Selfie, Selfieeeee.

'I'm Just not good enough' Said Me daily, hourly, far to often than I'd like to imagine.

This year, this year could possibly change my life. No, don't worry I'll still be a make up obsessed loud mouth with a keen habit of putting her foot in it. What could change my life ? What would i want to change in my life? I want to believe in me. So through out the next twelve months, I'm taking you  through the positives, negatives and all round idiotic moments to show you that any one can change there perception of worth.

What will 'change me' this year?

My dad once said to me " give up, like you do everything else". Tough i know,he has a way of putting word like a knife cutting a piece of meat (ironic,'cause he's a chef). Once he said that I began thinking two things:

1. What have i given up on? 

Yes through out everything, uni, driving or life in general, I've never made it easy for me or my family. Throwing paddies, thinking I'm the only one with these problems or generally shutting the world out when things get hard (obviously healthy). Taking all this into account, I manage to not only  pass uni with a 2:1 but got a work placement with a web agency on the day of my graduation. It may only have been for three months but I learnt a lot, my writing grew and i was published weekly. 

Now since leaving uni and that amazing placement, things have took a nose dive, I'm still living with my parents and dreaming of going to Hogwarts or marrying Kellan Lutz. As a rule i don't really do much, I'm attempting to do a nail course (I say attempting because the nails tend to fall off after 5 days) and in all fairness I am debating quitting because of said reason. I'm a perfectionist to a fault, constantly comparing myself to others that have been in the industry for years, but saying this would you have your nails done by some one who knows there going to fall off at any minute? I know I wouldn't.

Who wouldn't want to go!

      

    2. I'm the problem. 

I don't just compare myself to industry professionals, i do to friends, family and fr-enemies. I have also been known to do it with celeb's and scholars too. From the start of any new project i think i should be the best, constantly putting pressure on myself to be as good as everyone else. When the actual fact is I'm not. Neither are they. I may be great at art, the may have a more individual style, I like many others don't see the struggle behind closed doors. 

So now I'm officially opening mine for you...

I can guarantee you it won't be pretty, but i know its not going to be boring.

This year...

I aim to please, this fat, foul mouth, drinks like a fish Yorkshire lass intends to prove everyone wrong and stick to something. Who knows maybe more than one thing? Although, lets not get ahead of ourselves, aye? I am to do something that scares me. NOW, i will not be jumping out of a plane, shaving my hair or damaging some one else. I intend on breaking down my own self esteem barriers and do something i never thought was possible. Now I've narrowed it down to a summer of 'fun' (it's not fun, in any sense of the word and whilst I'm writing this i am currently questioning my mental health):

First off, Race for Life, done it before,this time RUNNING not walking at the back with the mum's and there buggies.

So much colour!

Second, the colour run obstacle course. I am dreading this , with every inch of my being i hate being dirty, smelly or running. 

THIRDLY, Tough Mudder (as long as my partner doesn't back out). A highly challenging boot camp that consists of the participant being propelled from great heights, electrocuted and possibly drowned in mud. Oh, how fun. 

Now the last all relies on one this, my name being  pulled out of the ballet. The Great North run. My ultimate Nemesis, running. By no means can i currently run for 13.1 minutes,let alone 13.1 MILES! Yet with every inch of my being i WILL finish this. Possibly in a sweaty heap,24 hours after the race starts, but it still counts right ?

Why now?

I'm tired of thinking that I wont do something, that I'm not good enough,knowing that others think I'm not good enough kills me! What the worst that could happen? I'm already, broke with no social life, and mounds of debt?

Watch this space.